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-behindbars:

one time i went to church for christmas carols and i looked completely uncomfortable there and this girl overheard me telling my mum that i didn’t think i belonged there because i’m an atheist and then she came up to me later and said “you will know there is a god when he saves you from hell” and i just looked her dead in the face and said “who says i want to be saved? shit loads of gay sex in hell” and then she genuinely hissed at me and all i could think of was

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rabioheab:

happy birthday. we couldn’t afford to put a stripper in your cake like you wanted so instead we just put your cake in a stripper. she ate the whole thing in like 2 minutes. you should have been there. it was amazing.

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